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My life is not anything spectacular. I am not some child prodigy or someone who went to college at age 15. I am simply a person who happens to have Asperger’s Syndrome. Overall, I do not think of it as a barrier for living a relatively normal life in America.
Back when I was first diagnosed in 1999 I was 10 years old and attending fourth grade. The person who finally realized what I had was the school psychologist. In those early years I was largely separated from mainstream classes – only going to my best subject at the time, history. I was volatile, capable of throwing enormous outbursts of rage at things I could not understand the first time I heard them. This was especially the case with math. Unlike so many children with Asperger’s I have known my skills in mathematics are fair at best. This was by far my biggest barrier. Simple addition and multiplication I could understand. But word problems – they were my demons. I dreaded them in school, and at home. So, many nights I would fight with my mother about them until I was sent to my room. I fought with my teacher about them until I was blue in the face and my head ached.
It was not until the sixth grade that I felt I was comfortable with a mainstream class. I attended all that year, except for math. In seventh grade, I finally went back into mainstream math, with the help of an aid. This aid was also present in other areas of study that I found to be difficult. Gradually, I felt less and less need for any sort of aid. Now, in twelfth grade, my only presence inside the special education department is the one hour I spend inside the Asperger’s Room. Often I use the time for homework, taking a breather from the day, and searching for the teacher who can help me with something from their class. One could say that this is a far cry from the screaming child that was me 10 years ago.
I can only guess at why I am successful in transitioning to mainstream class. One reason most likely is the support from wonderful teachers and my mother who took their time, effort, and patience to help guide me to the right path. The biggest reason though, I believe, is my attitude. I have inherited from my mother an attitude that refuses to quit, and whenever it let me down my mother’s refusal to quit brought me back. If one believes themselves to be a loser, then they are indeed a loser. The only way a person can overcome is by slugging through the muck. I do not like school. I cannot stand this strange society that obsesses over material goods and sexuality. I do not like many classes, and few teachers have ever made a good impression on me. Through it all, though, I have stuck it out. They say life is what you make it to be. That may be a cliché, but it is true.
Attitude is what allows me to achieve my goals. I do not have a lot of accomplishments that are memorable. But, one could be getting the highest grade possible on an Advanced Placement Exam for American History. Another is finally getting my license to drive after so many years (although I do not consider myself that great of a driver.) Overall, my life is a fairly quiet one. I do not have a lot of friends and I don’t like people knowing a lot about me. Some people need to be social or they whither like an old rose. I wither from the exact opposite.
Perhaps my life is not that social because of my interests. My principle ones are reading, writing, and drawing. They are not activities that can easily be done with friends. The only thing I like to do with more people is watching movies, but I do have a tendency to shoot opinions and suggestions to movies that I find to be sub par. My movie tastes are unique to most people. I find the directors Stanley Kubrick and David Cronenberg to be the greatest the earth has ever seen, and believe their films – A Clockwork Orange and Videodrome – to be the shining example of what Hollywood should emulate. I don’t mean, though, that hardcore violence should be so easily tolerated. People need to see that these directors only show it to make you hate it.
One of the things I would like teachers to think about in supporting children with Asperger’s or any form of Autism is to never be condescending, and to remember that every child and every form of the disorder is unique. I recommend that teachers learn about it, but they will have to know their students individually. Now some may say I should know more about it, but I have never studied my disorder that closely. I am lucky enough to operate reasonably well in the mainstream world. Some are not so lucky. Teachers need to know that, and try their best to make their students achieve the same. It all depends on attitude.
Well, in a nutshell, love it or hate it this is me.
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Retrieved from the Web site of the Institute on Community Integration, University of Minnesota (http://ici.umn.edu/products/impact/193/default.html). Citation: Cadigan, K., Craig-Unkefer, L., Reichle, J., Sievers, P., & Gaylord, V. (Eds.). (Fall/Winter 2006/07). Impact: Feature Issue on Supporting Success in School and Beyond for Students with Autism Spectrum Disorders, 19(3). [Minneapolis: University of Minnesota, Institute on Community Integration].
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